Eric Berne once said, “Love is nature’s psychotherapy.” There is no greater catalyst for healing and growth than love. When your back is up against the wall—when you’re at risk of losing something irreplaceable—you “wake up” from complacency. This is when the real magic happens.
Regardless of whether you’ve been in a long term relationship or you’re just starting out, here are some essential tips to foster your relationship.
Remember to fight the problem, not each other.
“It’s not you versus her in anything. It’s the both of you against the problem. To men who tend to look for solutions in all things, miscommunication can be the problem. Sometimes you shouldn’t go into problem solving mode if that itself creates problems between you. She may just want someone to vent to, to commiserate with, or to take her side. If you’ve had a miscommunication it’s not you’re right and she’s wrong or vice versa, both your perspectives are valid and you need to figure out how the both of you can work together to prevent that in the future.
Go to bed angry, wake up and talk it out. There’s some bad advice out there about never going to bed angry, when tempers are worn thin and you’re both tired on top of that you’re both more likely to say things which can’t be taken back. Just don’t invite that into your life. Learn how to get a little space when you need it, for both of you, rather than trying to force a conversation you may both regret. But likewise too, you can’t let problems fester: talk about it, calmly, within 24 hours.
Having a partner you can trust creates a buffer between you and the difficulties of the world. When you have a mate you can rely on, it’s easier to take those risks that help you grow. Always be honest with each other about your feelings and needs, and remember that you can tell the truth without being harsh.
Every successful relationship needs the care and nurturing of two committed adults, giving to each other in a way that creates a mutually beneficial connection.
Giving your relationship what it needs to thrive is a truly loving gesture. Make the effort. You are both worth it.
Have fun together. Whether it’s the tried-and-true or something new, being playful keeps your love growing. Every time you do something to make your partner smile, it creates chemicals like oxytocin, sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” in both of your brains, which makes you feel closer.
Don’t keep score.
Relationships are not a game, so there is no reason to try to keep score. This means, if you do something nice for your partner, or do something to help out, you don’t have to announce it to them just to get brownie points. The same goes for if they make a mistake, or make you mad, you shouldn’t feel the need to hold it against them just to make yourself look better. This is probably one of the top reasons why relationships don’t last. Nobody likes to feel like a loser in a relationship.
Say words of encouragement to each other
By evoking phrases like “Great job!” and “I’m so proud of you,”couples increase their happiness level and report feeling less depressed. All it takes is saying three of those phrases once a day for one week before you feel the effects!
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